Spammers

Yes, I'm back after a one-and-a-half month long absence. Yarr, jump for joy, people, your favourite weekly blogger is back in business.

*silence*

Right, today, I'm gonna bitch about: *drumroll* who else but SPAMMERS!? Yarr! (I think "Yarr" is supposed to be some pirate warcry or something. I just thought it'd sound cool.)

*silence*

So as all of you online-no-lifers know, spam is about the worst thing ever happened to the Universe, and worst of all, it has a tendency to find its way into your house. (!!) Its a terrible thing, really. Imagine this. Coming home, all tired out from yet another boring, no-life day at work or school, and you plump down onto your couch munching on potato chips, happily booting up your computer. What's the first thing you see? This:

COME, Come, come! The great wwwDOTgamble-to-loseDOTcom cordially invites you to our -PORNO PIC- opening!!!!!!![][][]!![]![]!![]!!![][]![]!!![]![][]!!![]!![][]!!!!![]!!![]!!![][]!![]!![]![]!!![]!!!![]!!!!![][]!![]!![]![]!!![][]![]![]![]!!![]![]

Whew, its not easy trying to be a spammer. I spent the last 15 minutes composing the above spam. Well, you can imagine how that one spam message, in your email or in a spy-ware pop-up, will, like, TOTALLY ruin your day. Aye, you can't sleep, can't eat, can't go to the god damned latrine after seeing it. It is totally, awesomely disgusting. Yeah, spammers should be gelded and stuffed face first into the nearest toilet bowl, then drowned in a pool of bodily excretions and...

Okay, I know some of you are eating/will be eating/has just eaten so I won't go into the graphic details. But don't you agree with me, that spam really ought to take first place on the "most hated and hunted thing on the cyberworld"? I mean, hey, if the police and censorship boards has the bloody time to go look for and replace "Government Criticism" with "********** *********", then they jolly well have the time to find and weed out all the rubbish spam that's plaguing the internet world.

Not only the internet world, its such a horrible phenomenon that some bastards have brought it to the Prime Material Plane.. .ah, I mean the real world. (Playing too many games... in the middle of my exams too. =X)

Aye, do you not see the spammers hiding behind the pillar right outside MRT stations and interchanges, pouncing on every unlucky passer-by to inundate them with scraps of paper screaming the words: "ALOE-VERRA SMOOooOOTH SPA! COME TRY IT NOW! 3-DAY FREE TRIAL!" Granted, many of those aren't spammers by trade, but instead, slaves to the over-whelming consumerism that has the world gripped in its devilish embrace, causing students and children as young as five to throw tantrums and cry (and spam) in order to get the money to buy the latest Power Rangers Ninja'd Storm 1337 Megabot. But consumerism and its own plague is for another day.

Back to spam. You can see how it is socially undesirable in both its original medium, the Internet, and in the real world. Yet, it still exists. Nay, not "exists", it thrives! Oh, woe be me, the depravity of the world is now complete. Why, can you please answer this question, do people perpetuate spam? And yes, contrary to popular belief, spam is not generated by a mindless, evil, world-domination seeking computer. It is generated by countless individuals who have no life and should be gelded and mashed face-first down the nearest toilet bowl. These "spammers" as we call them, derive their pleasure in life by composing and typing out pages and pages of intellectual junk and crap and posting them in pop-ups, BBSes, Forums, tag-boards, and most importantly, on their own blogs!

Aye, these "bloggers" as you call them, are nothing more than "spammers"! They put up on the Internet snippets of their lives that no one, absolutely NO ONE, except fellow depraved bloggers, (aka spammers) want to read. And worst of all, some are so narcissistic that they even proudly proclaim themselves, "your favourite weekly blogger", as if ANYONE with half a sane brain would want to even KNOW what goes on in your god-forsaken, good-for-nothing, and ultimately, BORING-AS-HELL life.

This is a shoutout to all so-called "bloggers" (aka spammers), especially those who call themselves "your favourite weekly blogger" and says "yarr!" (as though you thought it was cool) in their blogs:

Do the world a favour, and go spread your spam to the underworld. And when you've finally reached purgatory, STAY THERE AND DON'T SHOW YOUR FACE ON THE EARTH ANYMORE YOU FRIGGIN' RETARDS.

Aye, I encourage one and all to spread this message to any and all spammers you see henceforth. If the world will unite against spam and its perpetuators, I am confident that one day, perhaps not in our generation, we will be rid of the simly, icky idiots and their brain-rotting, mindless, intelligence-degrading spam.

For the sake of our children and grandchildren, I beg all of you to join me in the crusade against spam!

-Yours Sincerely,
Your favourite weekly blogger
Yarr! 'Cuz its cool, yo.

Looking to the future~
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