Smiles

Smiles, a facial expression we are all familiar with. Don't deny it, even YOU, perhaps the most gloomy, despondent and down-trodden person on the face of this earth, has smiled, more than once, today. (Note: evil grins as you contemplate your latest plot to take over the world don't count.) Just exactly what is appealing about it, though? I take a look at group photos, individual photos, comercials, dramas, advertisements, newspaper reports and, of course, comedies... and I cannot see how the smiles in every single picture in those genres are attractive.

Let me describe a smile to you.

A horizontal cresent moon, limned by a (fat or thin) border of live, pulsating red. Within, white (sometimes yellow) blocks of trapeziums align (or disalign, as case may be) themselves in a neat row (or rows), and sometimes, if a smile is especially sexy, you might even catch a glimpse of the fresh, tender gums situated just above the fatal, scissor-sharp teeth.

You done puking?

Just what the hell is so attractive about a smile, you tell me. Why in the seven levels of heaven do people describe grins and smiles as "contagious"? I mean, the only thing I will contract if someone smiles at me like that will be a very bad cause of lung haemorrhage. (Translation: throwing up blood)

Well, the foibles of humanity aside, I think Singaporeans are the absolute best humans ever. No offense to members of any other nationality. Its true. I've witnessed it firsthand. Singaporeans are the only bunch of people smart enough to know that smiles are so god-damned disgusting. I was on my way to a meeting, squeezing myself amongst singaporeans in a metal cubicle three times as long as it is wide, moving 230 km/h. Yeah, the MRT. I was alone, and so, I assumed my usual 'vincent-is-alone-amongst-strangers-facial-expression' which usually tells you non-verbally that if you so much as come within sniffing distance of me, you'll wake up in the hospital three weeks later, mummified.

Being the stupid bastard that I am, I stared and glared around impressively, my chest jutted out at a very immodest angle, and if I had the ability, I'm sure I'd have stamped on the ground, hammered my nipples and roared while dragging my knuckles on the floor as I walked. And then, as I took a closer look to the other primates standing and sitting around me, I realised something I never realised in my 18 years of existence. (okay, only 17, but you can't blame a guy for trying, right?)

NONE OF THEM WERE SMILING AND ALL HAD (to some degree) THE VERY SAME FACIAL EXPRESSION AS I HAD ON AT THE TIME.

I suddenly regreted not reading the newspaper that morning, for if the government had annouced a ban on smiling, I'd have thrown a tantrum, cried alittle and went on with my life as per normal. But then, on the train, as I thought back my life, I realised, on all occasions while in a public area, I have never seen anyone smile unless that person was insane, or had a human he/she (obviously) knew beside them. And as I thought furthur back, I realised that I myself never smiled in the presence of strangers, except to graciously decline that offer to pick my pocket for donations for me. Those who know me would know that my 'Graciously' means being barely short of sticking my middle finger up his nose. But I digress.

My point is that I've never truly smiled a 'smiling smile' for the sake of strangers, unless I was going to make an effort to be friends. And my mindset is, seemingly, subconsciously reflected by Singaporeans all over. I've never seen a total, absolute stranger look me in the eye, tilt his head to the left forty degrees and just, smile. *twinkle*

So I decided to give it a try. I forced my facial muscles to my best, "Have a nice day" smile. I had lots of practice with that during my short part-timer stunt during my first three months. I kept that smile on my face and reduced my chest to a much flatter state. I looked about, tilting my head 40 degrees to the right and left alternatively, grinning and trying to catch someone's eyes.

The only one person whose eyes I caught sort of moved away in a hurry.

I went home and smiled in the mirror, and that's when I came up with the description of smiles from the above. Of course, not to worry, my teeth are straight (not gay) and aren't yellow. Well, I use Darling's tooth-paste, so my caffein addiction side-effects are somewhat slowed. And that's how I came to the conclusion that Singaporeans are smart.

Now, I leave you with a disturbing question:

Ever wondered how you look like when you laugh at your best friend's joke?
(And now that you've read this post... do you wonder whether he/she's laughing with you, or AT you?)

No more Character Extravaganza this issue. I've got another pile of homework demanding my attention, with a smile, no less.

Looking to the future~
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