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Name: Vincent Wong
Alias: Runearay
Age: 18

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"You have conquered your Past, you now hold sway over the Present... what will you do with the Future?" -Davien the Betrayer


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Monday, November 28, 2005
|11:01 PM|


Kanashimi da daijoubu da ne?

Is having sadness alright?

Is it alright to be sad?

Is sadness good?

Well, to answer something like that, you'll first have to ask, "What's sadness to you?"

What's sadness to you? Its an emotion, yes, I know that. Its the opposite of happy, yes I know that too. Being happy is what humans pursue, is what we all want, is what we all aim for. That's true, isn't it? We're working so hard now, so that we can be happy. We're slogging our hearts out for the A levels (though mine isn't for another year) so that we can get good grades, get into university, get a degree, get a good job, and give our family a better life... and be happy. We're rehearsing a performance again and again so that the final performance will be a stunning, awesome success, that everyone is happy and cheering, and that we're all satisfied at the result.

So that we can be happy...

That's what humans are always looking for. Happiness. Where's my happiness? Is it in marrying that girl over there? Is being happy meaning to have alot of money? Must I sacrifice my free time to put in effort for my happiness? Must I work for the happiness of my family?
True. We don't actually do work so that we can have happiness. Its not a direct result. We work so we can get something else, our pay, perhaps. That degree, perhaps. The satisfaction of a good performance, perhaps. And those things, in turn, create happiness for us and those that matters to us. Its still the same though. We're pursing that elusive happiness at the end of the long, dreary road, so we walk the long dreary road. There's that pot of gold over the rainbow, remember? So let's walk on the rainbow!

But how many people truly find happiness at the end? After taking a linoleum knife and carving a hole in our abdomen to drop out guts (literally) at the feet of the goddess of happiness... does happiness just come pouring down like some divine rain? After sacrificing so much, bearing so much hurt, cutting off arms and legs and what not.. are we rewarded with the happiness we want?

Is a man who spent 50 years of his life pursuing a monopoly on the most profitable industry in the world truly happy when he lies on his hospital bed, alone, with nothing but his mountains of money to see him through the gates of hell? What about that guy who, for the sake of his university degree, spurn the love of a friend, and finally got his degree and job... Did he find his true love, his true happiness? What about the guy who chose love over studies, and ended up struggling to make ends meet in a dilapidated hut in the suburbs of town because he did not land a good enough job? Is he really happy with his "true love"?

And at the end. When people have sacrificed what they now see as "a better way to go", and not gotten happiness.. At the end, what are they? They are bitter. Life is unfair. Life sucks. Life is... pointless. And then they take that final step off the roof of the highest building in singapore, and.. bye bye, you fucking world. Bye bye, you god-forsaken land. I hope my blood flowing into your soil, chokes you to death.

And so, people look upon the opposite of happiness, the opposite of what they were pursuing, with horror and disgust. Kanashimi? Urgh, who needs it? Kietsu. That's what I want. What I'm looking for. Oh gods, please please, let my efforts award me with the happiness I want, not that horrible, terrible, sadness!

But is sadness all that bad? Just because its the opposite of joy, of happiness... its bad? Its evil? Its to be scorned?

Is shadow bad? Because it is the absence of light, the opposite of light, its bad, it is evil?
Is evil bad? Because it is the opposite of good, then it must be something absolutely horrible?

Why?

Why is evil there at all, if its so bad? If evil is so evil... then it should not exist at all!

Why is shadow there at all, if its so bad? If shadow is so evil.. then it should not exist at all!

Why is sadness there at all?

Because without sadness, we cannot be human. Without shadow, there cannot be light. Without evil, there is no good. Maybe, after we die, we go to a place without shadows, without evil. Without sadness. Maybe. But before that, before we go, when we're still alive... still human. There will be sadness. There will be.

Is sadness neccesary? Is it "tolerable"?

Is evil "tolerable"?

When someone close to you passes away, you feel empty. You feel as though someone took an ice cream scooper and dug out a piece of your heart. You feel sad. You deny it. You refuse to believe that whoever it is, is gone. Because by accepting it, you admit to the sadness. You are giving in. You're letting sadness win. You're not pursuing the happiness of that close one's continued existence anymore. You're admitting the sadness of losing your loved one. And you don't want that.

But we cannot be human without sadness, without tragic events. The world will be horrible without sadness. Oh come on. In the fairy tales, you are told about lands where no one is ever sad, and everyone is always happy. And the protagonist goes there, has a good day, and comes back all bubbly and happy and "I wanna go there again someday!"

But just imagine an existence that is always happy. Without sadness, with everyone happy, laughing laughing and laughing, not one sad face. You can't stop giggling or laughing because you're so damn happy.

Ahh, blissful.

Yeah, so blissful. Now, stay in that world for a year, and come talk to me if you're not foaming at the mouth and clawing at your rubber walls, that's if they ran out of strait-jackets.

Sadness is a part of life, just like shadow is a part of life, just like evil is a part of life. Its not "tolerable". It just is. It is what defines us as human. I'm not saying you should let rapists go unpunished. That its "alright" to take a hatchet and hack your parents to mushy, bloody pieces. Or that you should dance a tango on your cousin's coffin.

Its not nice to rape people. Its not nice to murder people. Its not nice to lose a loved one. But it happens. It may happen to you. If it does, you have a choice. Drown in self-pity and depression, or jump up and dance like a maniac. Or, accept it and move on.

What's your choice?

How will you let your future unfold?

I've just finished watching Kanon, the bishoujo game turned romantic-tragic anime. (As is the case with most bishoujo games turned anime) Its your standard tear-jerking, heart-warming and heart wrenching (like taking a pair of red-hot tweezers and wringing your heart with it), korean style, mushy, goosebumps raising, "aww" going, kawaii-desu storyline. In otherwords, it was, in my dictionary, a total waste of time.

Why did I watch it? Because I had nothing better to do.

But my point is, pointless though the anime was, (pun intended) it taught me a valuable lesson. That its alright to be sad sometimes. Its not nice, of course, to be sad. But its alright. One doesn't need to freak out and go "OMFG, I'm sad!!! ARRGH!" when one's sad. Its a part of life. It happens. You may have been working for happiness' sake. But if your end-result is nothing but sadness... its disappointing, but it is life. Its what defines humans.

I don't know if you can get what I'm saying here. But if you can, if you understand that sadness is not something to avoid, should not be something anethaema, then you're doing fine. And even if you don't understand... well, that's sad, but sadness is a part of life.

Kanashimi..

--

Carácter Extravagancia

Issue 2

Name: Pinochi Are (Ah-rare)
Age: 16
Gender: Female
Race: Human/Spirit

Are is a normal, 16 year old girl. Are is also a 160 year-old Earth-Spirit.

Earth-spirits are ghosts that are rooted to a certain place on earth, without the ability to move forward into heaven, or whatever realm they go to, and unable to leave the area or general vicinity, depending on the ghost's reason for being trapped there. For most, it is generally "unfinished business". In other words, they are "haunts".

Are is special, however, because she is also able to, at certain points in time, create and use a physical body. Not a physical body she possesses (some Earth-spirits can possess passer-bys) but instead, is a physical body of her own. It is unknown how she came to be able to have this power, and all efforts by the Council to investigate has failed. Somehow, she is able to evade the summoning rituals of the Shamans, and can stay hidden to a Druid's powers too. Are seems to switch between her spirit form and physical form on whim.

She hasn't caused any problems so far, and is not expected to. This dosier is only for the sake of her special ability. She always manifests as a sixteen year old girl in a simple, threadbare, sleeveless tunic, belted at the waist by a frayed hemp rope. Her hair is brown, and waist length, untied. In this form, everything about her is undeniably solid, including her clothes.

In an attempt to throw light on her powers, the Council has investigated her past.

Are was the daughter of a farmer-turned samurai in feudal Japan. When her father was forcefully drafted into their feudal lord's army to fight a war, Are was forced to take up the burden of providing for her physically weak mother and 3 siblings, ranging from the age of 5 to 12. Unable to keep the farm going, she sold it, and turned to selling field medicine and herbs. The combined income was enough for them to survive for three years. On her sixteenth birthday, her father returned to find their farm sold, and their funds almost depleted.

In a rage, he threw the young girl out.

We were unable to gather much information about Are at this point, and there was no information whatsoever about Are's personality. But it appears she turned to begging in the commune marketplace to survive. The villagers, once her neighbours, helped to give her alittle each day. At this point in time, it was apparent Are fell in love with a boy her age who was just passing through the village with his parents, on their way to the feudal lord's castle. They promised to meet again at the market place when the boy would be heading back.

Unexpectedly, the feudal lord's enemies launched a suprise attack and razed the entire village, along with the feudal lord's own castle. Are survived the assault, but the boy did not. Unknowingly, the young girl remained waiting at the market place, refusing to leave the ruins, until she eventually starved to death. Since then, she has been earth-bound at that place.

Even though Are's elusive nature has prevented us from getting to know her personality better, it is apparent that she is still devoted to the boy who died. As far as our soures could tell, though, the boy's spirit was never earth-bound. It is unknown how long Are will continue to stay in the shopping mall, and despite everything, we are still stumped at her ability to manifest a physical body. The Council will continue to investigate.


Looking to the future~
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Thursday, November 17, 2005
|7:14 PM|


Whining

Sometimes, I get tired of it.

whine ( P ) (hwn, wn)v. whined, whin·ing, whines v. intr.

-To utter a plaintive, high-pitched, protracted sound, as in pain, fear, supplication, or complaint.
-To complain or protest in a childish fashion.
-To produce a sustained noise of relatively high pitch: jet engines whining.

I get very sick and tired of people whining all about me.

"I don't want this!"

"Don't give me that!"

"Its very hot!"

"I don't like to eat that!"

And you know what makes it worse?

The fact that I whine as well.

Yes, that's the thing that's bugging me. Maybe I should just give up, huh? People are whining, "I don't want it done in that manner!" while I'm getting pissed, making a face, and whining about it on my blog. Its like a goddamned cycle. Person A whines. Person B whines that person A whines. Person A whines some more. Person B gets pissed and whines even more.

What is this? Some fucking contest? Oh no, its not a fucking contest, since there's no fucking involved.

Okay, now that all the bad words are off my chest, time to get more civilized.

Technically, I'm not whining right now. To whine is to complain or protest in a childish manner. I'm not protesting. I'm not complaining. I'm bitching. But yes, though "bitching" wasn't included in the formal dictionary definition, I'm sure its the same in terms of complaining or protesting. But here comes the weight that tips the balance: I'm doing it in a suprisingly adult manner. Well, I'm not talking about the vulgarity, since vulgar complaining can be childish as well.

"I don't fucking want my carrots cooked in black sauce! For christ's own private sake! Can you not goddamn COOK IT IN GREEN SAUCE LIKE I WANT IT?!?"

Vulgar, but decidedly childish.

Now, my complaint, however, was logical, stately, formal and, above all, made in a clear mind. I, for one, am aware that, at the very least, I'm also culprit to whining. The vulgarity aside, it was a very civilized and, indeed, adult complaint.

Of course, I am reviewing my own statement, so, inevitably, there will be bound to be biasness. To that end, I have asked a couple of witnesses to give me their view on this article to the moment.

"It's very 'adult', as you'd like to term it. For one, I see no spelling mistakes. Well, bring me my reading glasses, and I'll double check..."
- Andrew, a bear (literally) with metal springs clothed in red cotton for a torso.

"From where Andrew left off, I'd agree whole-heartedly. Hell, I've never seen such a graceful use of the language since... well, since I've died."
-The neighbouring ghost, Keldern, who lived in an era of illiterate pirates (he was one too).

"I'd say that, indeed, you have done a great job of remaining calm and decidedly neutral to your own feelings. I could see that you quite literally examined your own feelings with the emotion of a surgeon about to begin an operation. You cut them up, analysed them, and then stitched them back, all without letting it affect you. And then you wrote that report above with a startling cold-hearted strategy to rope in and convince your audience."
-My nameless imaginary friend.

As you can see, my witnesses, with the possible exception of the last, all are incorruptible people.. and dolls. I thank you for staying with me through that ugly mess up there, which was, I'd agree, decidedly non-readable. If you did not stray off in the middle, or fall asleep, or get so outraged by my blatant use of "fuck" and references to a divine being in the same sentence that you chucked your CPU out the window, then I'd have to thank you for staying with me through my boredom as well. (Yes, all of this is the brainchild of my boredom. Kinda 'mazing how boredom can achieve so much.)

----

Carácter Extravagancia

Issue 1

Name: Thomas "Doll-Master" Thern
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Race: Human

Thomas has never been what you'd call the "smartest guy on the block". In fact, by normal terms, he was downright dumb. Maths, English, Science (any), every academic subject that has more than 5 pages as a textbook is too much for him to handle. The only "witty" thing he ever did in his school years was to punch a bully in the mouth for badmouthing his mother, which he had to think about for a moment before realising it was an insult.

It must be said in Thomas' defence, however, that his brain was not any more lacking than the average joe. He just couldn't be bothered with academics, even to the point that language was neglected. He was suprisingly quick to act, and very agile indeed with his fingers. The moment he could identify with a cause, and had a reason to act, he was always the first to move, the first to action. He was very empathic on, in a quite literal sense of the word, action.

That doesn't mean he was restless or jumpy though. He could be deathly quiet or stealthy when he wished. What it meant was, he would rather be doing something for a reason, even if it was to be absolutely still, than be studying and arguing theoretics. At the age of 18, though, he got into a fight he could not win, and broke both his legs. That quite firmly ended his career as a bodyguard.

Crippled, with a brain not suited for study, and with hands that always itched to be doing something for a reason, he turned to dolls. Not barbie or care-bears. He turned to voodoo, to string dolls, to psychic dolls, anything at all that allowed him to create a physical impact on the world around him outside the confines of his wheelchair.

He played around with the dark, the normal, the paranormal and the supernatural. And, he mastered it.

His dolls became an attachment of himself. He was so nimble with his fingers that, at first, he could use stick-dolls (dolls that had limbs connected to the dollmaster by a thin wooden stick) to catch a falling object, and later, garner enough leverage to throw it. He worked everyday of ten full years, never giving up, and with a passion that would put even the most patriotic man to shame. In time, he refined his technics, until he could do simple acts using the doll, while manipulating it such that it seemed as though the doll was alive. With string-dolls, he could even duplicate the motion of breathing with an even rise and fall of the chest.

When he turned thirty, twelve full years after his legs were broken, the two men who crippled him were discovered dead in their beds, both apparently having tripped and fallen fatally on a doll with too-sharp arms.

Thomas' supernatural bent to his doll-mastery is still a mystery. No one knows how he mastered his "long-range" technics. After a few months of study, the Council has declared that his powers stemmed from a unique branch of Voodoo magic. It was not impossible that he was able to mix other types of magic and/or psychic powers with Voodoo, but there was no subtantial evidence to prove it either way. What cannot be denied, though, is that his powers were derived from a core discipline that mirrored the core disciplines of Voodoo magic, namely that of empowering dead subjects with movement and even sentience over a distance through the alignment of natural magnetism fluxes.

Although the authorities have been unable to trace the deaths of the two men, the Council is keeping a sharp eye on Thomas for the moment, making sure he will not pose a threat to the spell-casting community if he remains at large.

-End of Dosier-


Looking to the future~
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