Power to Me

I don't know what's come over me. I've been feeling so down lately. You know, all those "I'm worth nothing", "I'm being irritating to others again...", "Why can't I do anything right?", "Everyone hates me.", "I'm useless.", "I'm a nuisance that needs to be squashed like a bug.." kind of thoughts. Well, I guess I've been feeling like that because all those are true...

But that's not the point. One can't go through life feeling like a miserable wreck, even if one IS, in fact, a miserable wreck. Because to do so would be to not live at all; to do so would be to deny the gift that one's parents gave freely and willingly; to do so would be to deny oneself totally and absolutely. There exists more strength in willing to face one's weakness than in denying its existance.

Oh, heavens above, if there is any benign power, strike me down now! Look at the hypocrisy I've just displayed in my previous paragraph! And the arrogance in this paragraph. I deserve to die, my life should be called forfeit... But I'm still alive, so I'll make the most out of it.

That's right, I'm going to live my life again. Right now, I don't know exactly what it will be. Maybe it has already reappeared. I've rediscovered my love for writing and MUDding, and my addiction for video games is wearing off. Maybe I'll stop pursuing that Diablo 2 download that never works, and start devoting my time to completing the series I've started but never continued.

Or maybe the key to unlocking this darkness within me is in work. Perhaps I should find work, or maybe just throw myself headfirst into catching up on schoolwork. God knows I need to. Have you ever felt the satisfaction of working your ass out and then slumping into bed, totally drained but having acheived a million and one things? Yes, maybe I'll aim for that. Judging from my laziness, that day is still a long way away, but well, you know what they say, "A huge step a day helps significantly. A small step a day helps insignificantly. Not stepping at all destroys all chance of success." I may not be able to take huge steps, but perhaps with that tiny step, I'll reach my goal some day.

Maybe it'll come too late to save me, but what the hell, it is still better than not stepping at all.

Haha, its so easy to feel motivated and inspirational when you're presented with only 2 possible choices: a morbid one, and an even morbid-der second.

Indeed I'm going to work harder than ever now, or perhaps play harder than ever now. Either way, I'm going to stop moping around, or at least, I hope to reduce moping around. And perhaps, just maybe, with luck and blessings, the next time you see Vincent Wong, he will no longer be an irritating bastard, but one who knows his own worth at last, and shows it.

Now, back to the Anime I've been waiting to load on YouTube...

Looking to the future~
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