Emotions; what a burden

People always say, one should be glad to be human. To be able to feel like a human. And I do not mean your sensory perception of "touch", but rather, the gamut of emotions, ranging from anger to sorrow, from ecstacy to lust.

Emotions, they say, are the greatest things humans possess.

But have you ever had one of those days, when you wake up, and you feel, any emotion at all, just feel an emotion, and wished you couldn't?

Have you ever felt un-utterable sorrow, so much so to the point that your heart literally hurts? Have you ever felt the pain of loss so keenly that the slice of a kotetsu (sumurai like blade: very sharp) across your neck would be welcome, a merciful end to a torturous existence? Have you ever felt anger on such a scale you would kill anyone and everyone, even those whom you thought you loved most?

Have you ever felt the seductive pull of suicide, the answer to all your pain, all your sorrow, all your anger? The desire to jump from the topmost floor of my HDB have never been so strong.

I have never been so bored in my life.

Well, okay, seriously, I'm not suicidal at the moment. But the boredom is driving me up the wall. Quite literally, I've tried climbing the walls like Spiderman. And yes, in case you were wondering, I'm quite nearly fucking looped in the head.

Anyways, that is beside the point. My point is, emotions are more trouble than they are worth.

You've felt happiness before. When you're with your friends. When its your birthday. When you hear a joke. When you're being tickled. (Well that last one... could be irritation you were feeling... but again, I digress) You've laughed, the reflexive reaction to the bubbly, soaring, floating, blissful heat in your chest. You've smiled, grinned uncontrollably as you look at your friends beside you. As you stare at a toddler clap his hands in glee about a new toy in front of him. (No, Hardcorers, I'm not talking about evon.)

You've felt anger before. It is when you feel this heat at your chest, similiar to happiness, but burning instead, burning hot and uncontrollable, like a forest fire spreading faster than you can control. You've frowned without intention, glared and glowered, clenched your fists, mouthed (or sometimes shouted) epithets. Gritted your teeth so hard you could hear them crack. Resort to physical violence, sometimes slamming a fist into the wall, sometimes into the offender's jaw, to alleviate this feeling.

And then you've felt satisfaction. When you've finished a meal, a meal you like. Not only finished it, gorged yourself on it. Shoveled food into your mouth so fast it was a wonder you didn't choke. Then you lie back on your chair, pat your now engorged tummy and gave a loaded, sated sigh. You've felt satisfaction after hearing a person's jaw crack with the force of your knuckles beneath it. The impact of the punch, jolting a reaction force back up your hand, your arm, your elbow, your shoulder. The pain never felt so good.

And yet still, you've felt (I couldn't resist) boredom. Sitting in front of your computer, staring at it, staring and staring, waiting for something, anything to appear, so that you can click it. Not for any discernible reason, just click it, for the sake of clicking it. To do something except sit there. Lying on your bed, willing your body to move, just so that you're doing something other than lying there, but knowing at the same time, no matter what you do, you can never acheive satisfaction. Trapped, without anything to do, but unable to do anything about it.

All these, and more, are what defines us as humans. All these, and more, are what makes up our "humanity". All these, and more, are the greatest blessing of our existence.

How pathetic.

Feelings encumber us. Feelings make us hesitate. Feelings delay our decisions. Feelings make us reckless. And yet, these feelings, these emotions, its what makes us human? Its the greatest blessing of our miserable existence?

How pathetic.

I say, emotions are a burden! A burden we can all do without! A burden we must be willing to let go of to improve, to progress. A burden to be destroyed if we are to become more than knuckle-dragging, salivating, mindless, shambling baboons.

What do you say?

What? That I'm wrong?

Well, what can I say, humans. Pathetic creatures, willing to give up progress and improvement for a mere security blanket that, in reality, offers nothing more than the illusion of stability.

Well, then again, maybe it is not the fault of the individual. Maybe it is not the case that we are not willing to give up emotions, but rather that we cannot.

Humans, pathetic creatures that we are, are unable to break away from the things we have. Just because we were born with emotions, we are unable to shut it down. We can harp on it all we want, but when a mass murderer slams an axe into the chest of your father, you will not be able to stand there and stare, unfeelingly, at the death of your closest family member. When a car speeding at 120 km/h slams into and flings a friend of yours fifty feet away, you will be unable to stand there and watch.

When news of more homework reaches your ears, you will be unable to hold your tongue, access it as it is: a mere piece of homework, and must instead launch into a chorus of groans and moans with other equally mindless friends sitting around you.

Try it yourself. When something happens that warrants a laugh, a giggle, a gasp, try to keep a straight face, banish the emotions coursing through your body and access it as it is.

You cannot.

Like a drug, like a narcotic, emotions are addicitive. Once we've felt ecstacy, happiness, we refuse to give up a chance to feel it again. Despite the fact that doing so might cause inconvienience and danger to others. Most times, standing there and laughing might me harmless. But what if, right behind you, is a person who just had a nasty accident, and must rush to the hospital? And yet, you stand there laughing at an impromptu joke, and delay the person's precious time, causing complications and even death.

Oh yes, emotions can be as lethal as drugs.

"Such a thing would never happen to me," you deny vehemently.

I give you a skeptical look and quote one of my favourite oxymorons, "Never say never."

How many of you think you would be raped?

How many of rape victims thought they would be raped?

How many people live life normally, and then BAM! A speeding car running a traffic light crashes into their car? How many of them said, "This would happen to me, I'd better be careful."

How many of them thought, "This would never happen, not to me, at least."

Face it. Emotions are dangerous. No matter how minute the chances of feeling would cause another person's death, there is still that chance. While you might feel it would never happen in your lifetime, face the fact that it could happen.

And when it does, it will be too late.

Emotions are a burden we do without, not only to increase efficiency, but also to save lives.

Looking to the future~
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